For Sale: Lee Majors (6 Million Dollar Man) – $50

Soooo…the title of this post has nothing whatsoever to do with the content but I’m allowed to do that every now and again.  At this very moment I am working on my cover letter, eating some chili and wondering what happened to my version of “life-after-college.”  And in a few moments I’ll go and do the dishes, straighten my hair, leave to get groceries and pick up mi madre…but I’ll still be wondering what happened to my version of “life-after-college.”  Tonight I’ll probably submit a few job applications maybe even look for a place to live, do my nails, watch whatever shows the parentals normally watch on Thursday nights…and wonder what happened to my version of “life-after-college.”  And tomorrow I’ll get up, excercise, do my makeup, submit some more job applications and wonder, wonder, wonder what happened to my version of “life-after-college”?

Are you noticing a theme?  You are??  I’m shocked.

You see I had this picture in my head of what my life would look like post-graduation.  And it was only a tad-bit realistic.  I figured it would take a little while to get a job (that’s the realistic portion) but I figured in the meantime I would have some fun.  I thought that as soon as I was done with school that all the stories that have been pushed into the back of my mind to make room for my academic papers would come pouring out and I’d have tons of energy to submit applications and write stories and go out with friends and catch up on all my blog friends and, and, and, so on and so forth.

Somehow I underestimated a few things.  Such as the fear I was suddenly filled with at the thought of getting a job.  It sounds silly but it felt different to me.  It wasn’t just a job to get me through school, it was a job.  A job as an adult not a college kid.  I was scared, terrified actually.  So I procrastinated and hemmed and hawed around and probably lost a few jobs by not applying to them…stupid really.  And now I’m fighting to get back into the game.

I also underestimated how utterly exhausted I was after graduation.  And how boring my life suddenly seemed to become.  I really didn’t understand how being a college kid gave me a readily available topic.  Uneventful week?  Well I can just talk about what movie we watched in class this week, or what we discussed, or what author we read, or, or, or, or…any number of things.  And now?  What am I supposed to talk about?  Well I got up this morning, ate some breakfast, excercised, put on some makeup, submitted five applications, haven’t heard back from any of the others yet, did the dishes, watched x hours of TV, hung out with the parents x hours, it’s cloudy today.  Admit it that sounds boring…I’m not complaining, I love hanging out with my parents and the other stuff…eh, it’s alright…except for the dishes, blech! ;).  But it makes it difficult to find something to talk about when you feel like you aren’t going anywhere or really doing anything. 

Why does it always feel like everyone else has the perfect life??  Like you are the only one who is bored, broken, alone, tired, etc.

God, I hate it when I do that, when I compare myself to other people.  Don’t you?  I mean you look hard enough and there will always be someone whose life is better than yours…but there will also be someone who is in a worse position.

I just need to learn to deal with my situation without adding the burden of trying to make my life like someone else’s.

And now…a song.

Courage by Orianthi (featuring Lacey of Flyleaf).

And some randomness to make you smile, ’cause everyone needs to smile at least once a day right?

1. I am a picture whore.  Lol!  Sorry about that I just had to say it; what I mean is I’m the type of person who trolls the internet looking for interesting pictures of celebrities, objects, whatever grabs my attention.  I use them to practice my sketching or so my mental picture of a character from one of my stories has life or just to look at and think “how pretty/cool/breathtaking/beautiful/etc.”  Yup, picture whore.  :D
2. I have a playlist on my windows media player titled “songs that make me smile.”  It has OneRepublic, Train, Yellowcard, that Orianthi (ft. Lacey) song that’s right ^ up there, The Afters, Anna Nalick, The Calling, Francesca Battistelli, Good Charlotte, Hyland, Pink AND Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez & The Scene, Miranda Cosgrove, Kelly Clarkson, Aly&AJ (aka 78Violet), Hilary Duff, Katy Perry and Avril Lavigne.  Yes, I listen to pop music, it makes me…smile :D .  Feel free to take your shots, I can handle it and I really don’t mind (after all I never said you had to listen to it)  ;).
3. So during my last semester of college (all of what two months ago??) I developed a new guilty pleasure (that’s pretty much gone now since moving in with the parentals).  I started watching WWE Raw *cringe.*  I know, I know but I found it hilarious…and fascinating.  And really good mindless TV for when your brain hurts from trying to understand Jung or Percy Bysshe Shelley.
4. Via my twitter feed from GC’s Benji Madden — “Westboro baptist Church=WBC=Weally Bad Christians lol.”  Call me terrible but that cracked me up!
5. And an exchange via my twitter feed between Trevor, lead singer of TFK and the TFK tour manager starting with the TFK tour manager — “Let’s recap. Bought an ipod, 2 weeks later ipod touch comes out. Buy an ipad, 4 weeks later ipad 2 comes out. What the heck!!” — followed by Trevor’s response — “@tfktourmgr i’m gonna start buying stuff 2 weeks later than u.”  ROFL!!
6. via my twitter feed, Chester Bennington lead singer of LP — “I’m watching Cops and some naked guy was shooting at a person he was robbing and it took 5 cops to take him down. Cops don’t get paid enough”
7. And Tam (Hodge, aka inprogress) also from Twitter — “RT @pinkbirdi i don’t understand jogging skirts. // I dont understand jogging.”  Lol!!  :D
8. And finally via my twitter feed, Joe Rickard drummer for RED — “God is good.”  — makes me smile every time :)

week in a flash (week 18)

1. Was talking with a friend the other day and she said something that struck me – “it’s hard to stay mad at someone when you are praying for them.”  Pretty cool huh?

2. Days to graduation =54

3. My Lit Crit professor referenced a modern author yesterday and I had no clue who it was and then a few minutes later he referenced Percy Bysse Shelley (a Romantic-Era author) and I knew exactly who that was and it struck me that I know more (and more about) authors that are dead than the living ones…that’s what you get for being an English major.

4. I watched The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance today…yeah I’m not sure I liked Jimmy Stewart’s role in that movie…I don’t know, I’ll have to think about it.

5. Yes, I know I’m late on my “week” but that’s because I was working on homework, it happens.

6. Read something for my Am Lit class called “Rationalizing Religion,” it really pissed me off, it talked about how these “enlightened” men of the 1700 and 1800s basically deconstructed and dismantled Christianity.  The reason they it did was noble, they did it so that people would have a way to avoid being duped by charlatans claiming to be priests and whatnot by relying on their senses and logic.  But the way they did it just…ticked me off, things like denying the Holy Trinity and claiming that the reason Christ came to the earth was “not to reveal new truths but to ‘republish’ those obscured by evil and error.”  (This “enlightened” man compared Christ to Socrates and edged towards the denial of Christ’s divinity).

7. Reading this also caused me to re-evaluate certain things.  These “enlightened” men were very harsh towards the priesthood and it bothered me.  For a number of years I have ascribed to the belief that the structure of the modern church is flawed, that we give too much power to pastors and priests to sway our beliefs and opinions and outlooks on life and perhaps that is true…but in reading this I’ve begun to question the hardline manifestations that belief has brought out in me…after all isn’t part of what pastors and priests are supposed to do is offer wisdom and help you find answers to questions you have?  I often go to my parents when I have a tough question about, well, pretty much anything.  My parent’s site (Topics of Conversation) is based on the premise of me and my bro (and even my parents) bringing forth questions about beliefs (and sometimes prejudices, social topics, politics, etc.) and figuring out why we think or believe a certain way using Scripture and personal experiences – is that any different from the relationships that exist between some congregations and their pastors?  Plus I’ve been reading a Pastor’s blog for about a year now…and my views have been changing………I don’t know, I’m going to have to think on this one a bit……  (Just in case you are curious about the Pastor’s blog I’ve been reading I’ll link to it and I really hope he doesn’t mind because I’m presently just a lurker on his site).

8. You know you are a freak when you can spell “macchiato” correctly without looking it up…yep I’m talking about myself…  :D

9. Holy Crow!  September is already almost over!

10. I’m tired.

11. Found a spider building a web in my kitchen sink the other day and it made me laugh…I mean I know I don’t like doing dishes but c’mon I do dishes more often than that!  The really funny thing is I had just done the dishes the day before…unbelievable…Lol!