Sometimes faith feels like doubt…sometimes I wonder if we’ll ever get out ~ TFK

I dunno, something, I just kind of felt like writing and I listened to the song with the above lyrics in it earlier this week and it rang true besides I’ve been wanting to write something for a while now, (shortly after writing my last blog post actually which is pretty cool).  I’m not really doing much right now, working at my new job and on Christmas presents (Eeeep!!!!  Christmas!!!!) and thinking a lot.  Thinking about nothing and everything.

“Pardon me while I burn and rise above the flames” ~ Incubus.

Listening to a lot of music lately and finding things that resonate.

“I love the broken ones…maybe I see a part of me in them.  The missing piece always trying to fit in.  The shattered heart…” ~Dia.

Read an article the other day attempting to link suicide rates among the elderly to the cutting of funding to Medicaid.  I will reserve judgement because it seemed to me that there are a lot of factors involved and I don’t think it can be traced to one single thing.  The comments on the article saddened me though.  I should know better than to read those, they are almost always shitty, ignorant, heartless and just terrible.

“And in a burst of light that blinded every angel.  As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars.  You felt the gravity of tempered grace” ~Linkin Park.

The other day I saw a pine tree that had frost on one side but the other side didn’t because it was in the sun, it was really cool and I wish I could’ve gotten a picture but I was driving and that’s a no-no.  It has been really cold here the past few days; day before yesterday it didn’t get above 20 degrees even though the sun was shining and the sky was a clear blue.  *sigh* Winter…

“Like a phoenix I will rise again.” ~Pillar.

I’ve finally found a craft that I absolutely love – cross-stitching.  I know, I know cross-stitching that’s like something that little old ladies do right?  Whatever I don’t care, I love it.  It’s relatively easy and when you get done it’s so pretty.  I mean you go from a mess of cross-stitches, half stitches, quarter stitches, french knots and backstitches to a whole beautiful picture; it is amazing.  I’ll try to post some pictures of the things that I made the fam for Christmas after Christmas.  Feel free to remind me.

“…thoughts arrive like butterflies.  Oh, he don’t know, so he chases them away.” ~Pearl Jam.

So my new job is going well; I have discovered that I really like helping people.  Even if it’s something silly like finding someone the ‘perfect’ sweater to go with a pair of jeans I still get a thrill out of that look that people get when you’ve helped in some way.

” I would explode just to save your life.” ~Yellowcard.

You know it really bothers me when people do jackass things just because they don’t agree with a viewpoint.  I don’t agree with vegetarians or vegans, I don’t think I could live that lifestyle but I respect their choice and I don’t do stupid things like creating a FB group with a title about how “innocent vegetables are killed everyday by vegetarians, together we can do something to stop it” or posting pictures of some disgusting “Christmas” decorations that show the form of deer hanging upside down with red lights at it’s throat like it’s just been slaughtered.  That’s gross.  It turns my stomach and I love venison.  Just like I don’t agree with atheists but I don’t go around making fun of them and calling them names or try to shove my beliefs down their throat.  Is it so hard to show respect for another human being, even when you disagree with their choices or think they are totally and completely wrong and that you’d have to be stupid to believe what they believe.  Just because you think they’re stupid doesn’t give you the right to be insulting and a fucking jerk.  I’m so tired of people being rude and unfeeling and arrogant enough to believe that their opinion is the only one that matters; and for that matter isn’t an opinion because they are never wrong.  Ugh!

“You fall to your knees.  You beg, you plead.  Can I be somebody else for all the times I hate myself?” ~Skillet.

I was reading through one of my college papers today and I realized that I kind of miss being in school.  I don’t think I want to go back…it just reminded me how much I like intellectualism and being able to understand theories and esoteric writings.  It’s weird but I really do like it and I kind of miss it.

“Just stop for a minute and Smile.” ~ Jessie J

Soooo……there are only 16 days until Christmas!!!!  Happy, happy, joy, joy!!  :D

“It’s getting cold in here so fire it up!” ~ TFK

One Word: Hope

I suppose it’s only fitting that this post finally comes together on my B-day and, per usual late to the party but I was finishing up a few things for school and then my new computer broke (DON’T ASK) and when you live in a three-person household that has only two computers it it difficult to obtain one to work on exclusively.  So I had to wait until my parents got a desktop so I could appropriate a laptop.

So at the beginning of the year one of my blog friends did something that she’s done for a while but I was unaware of it the past few years.  I have not made it a secret that I despise New Year’s resolutions…despise them and I have made it a point to not make any for the past several years.  I seriously don’t see the point.  And I know I’ve said it before but if you want to start something new you can choose any ol’ day and just start.  But Alece has done something…different.  She chooses one word and lives the rest of the year with that one word in mind, last year her word was risk and she attested to how it affected her life throughout the year.  So when the new year started to come into view I thought maybe I should try it out, this whole One Word thingy…

I started thinking of what One Word I could choose but it wasn’t until I was at a New Year’s Eve party with my parents and some of their friends and they have this tradition of writing down their New Year’s resolutions, putting them in a hat and then trying to guess who it belongs to.  Well due to my distaste for resolutions I thought quickly and then Alece’s One Word thing occurred to me and I though what would I choose?

The only word that occurred to me was – Hope.  Given my newly graduated status and the fact that I’m currently living with my parents and am jobless that seemed most appropriate.

Hope for a job that I like and can stand to stay at for the next who-knows how many years.

Hope for a nice place to live.

Hope that I can stay in Colorado for the rest of my life.

Hope for a God-filled life and love.

This works for the next year because I am officially a young professional now, no longer a student and it changes things, looking for a job is different because I know that it is entirely possible that I will be there for a good long while and the same goes for a place to live.  And I tend to be a pessimistic person and see the negative side of things so I thought I’d try something new and focus on having Hope.

We’ll see how it goes…