Alone in the Dark

Alone in the Dark.

The phrase has been bouncing around in my head for weeks.  I saw it on a sign and it just stuck in my head.  It seems especially appropriate right now as I stand on my porch smoking my favorite; Romeo y Julieta.  Alone.  Dark.  A bolt of lightning suddenly lights up the night and for a second it’s almost like daylight.  So it’s not completely dark.  I take another drag and pull my leather jacket close.  It’s starting to get cold but I don’t want to go inside.  Another flash of lightning lights up the world and I can see the shape of the clouds as they roll across the sky.  The storms here are different from what I’m used to, there’s no wind, no rain, just lightning and thunder.  And even though it feels chilly to me I know the temperature is pushing 70, 75 degrees Fahrenheit.  Still, I’ve managed to fall in love with this place.  It has a certain charm, the baked brown earth, the tall cacti, the lizards, spiders, scorpions and birds.  I moved here for school, to get an art degree, the ultimate “what-are-you-going-to-do-with-that?” degree.  The saguaros captured my artist’s heart, the rest of the place took the rest of me captive.  Now I’m here, alone in the dark.  No friends or lovers to speak of, at least not human ones, for the desert has become my lover, the flora and fauna, my friends.  Another serpentine stream of lightning separates the sky for a moment and the thunder growls along after it.  In that instant I can see some of the native inhabitants scurrying for cover in fear of the rain that will never come.  In many ways they are as alone as I am and as much in the dark.  One of my old friends used to joke that she always expected that some day I’d mysteriously disappear and become a wolf or a saguaro or something like that.  I’ve always thought it would be more likely for one of those things to become human because they seem so much more alive than some people I know.  And when I’m out in the middle of the desert I can feel a pulse thrumming through everything, a heartbeat of existence.   There is so much life out here.  I’m amazed by how much is out here and thriving in the seemingly dead desert.  I take another drag.  The lightning brings another flash of daylight and an empty threat of rain.

Alone.  But satisfied.  In the not-quite Dark.

week in a flash (week 4)

1. I watched two awesome movies this week.  One was awesomely good (btw if you ever want to hear Kate Hudson sing, rent Nine, it rocks!) and the other was awesomely bad, I knew it would be that’s why I rented it. :D

2. Have you ever had moments when you felt wise beyond your years and then had moments where you felt extremely immature?

3. A few years back I started doing this thing where I say to myself “I love my life, I love my life, I love my life,” I started doing it because I noticed than as soon as I started focusing on how everything was going wrong it was easy to fall into a depressive, dark way of thinking where I would start saying things to myself like “I hate my life” and other such things that I won’t deign to put in print ’cause they don’t belong in my head.  I don’t say “I love my life, I love my life, I love my life” to try to erase anything that might be going wrong or anything that’s hurtful to me or to convince myself that things will get better; it’s just a way to remind myself that I’ve got a reason to live and that HE’s always with me.  Sooo…I love my life, I love my life, I love my life.

4. My bro may disown me for saying this but the Twilight saga has got some great characters…too bad they are stuck in one of the worst stories ever written.

5. With regards to a week two comment I made about people, I also want to say that people can also be amazingly compassionate and just plain nice.

6. My summer class starts in a few weeks.  I’m a little nervous.

7.Would you hate me if I said that I actually like Tim Burton’s adaptation of Alice in Wonderland and absolutely hate the book?

8. Two of the best sounds in my world at the moment – the crack of thunder, just the way it rumbles and rolls across the sky and how everything trembles and shakes when it’s really loud – in my opinion there is nothing more breathtaking, terrifying and beautiful all at the same time, love it!  And the sound Jack (my Jeep) makes when it accelerates, the raw horsepower and the strength is thrilling.  Granted Jack doesn’t corner like it’s in the Indy 500 the way Baby (my Honda) did but I love ‘im anyway.  (Yes I name my cars, get over it :D)

9. Happy Father’s Day mi padre! (and all the other wonderful fathers out there)

10. Even though you are underway right now and probably won’t see this for a few more weeks, Hippo Birdies bro!!