In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back. — Charlie Brown

Hello to all of my non-readers (does anyone still come here?).  Anyway, I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything but it’s been a while since I’ve wanted to say anything about anything.  I’ve read some articles over the past few months that get my blood boiling and I consider writing something about it but then it’s like, what can I say that everybody else hasn’t already said?  And besides it felt like it took a lot of energy to put my thoughts down and, I don’t know, I just didn’t feel like posting anything that would cause an argument or debate because then that would mean that I needed to respond and I didn’t feel like I could.  I gave up before there was any fight, that’s all.  And I didn’t want to write about what I was feeling because I was working very hard to try and ignore it (hey guess what, that doesn’t actually work…at all!).  Needless to say it’s been a rough year.  It’s been a year and two-and-a-half months since I had a job (*sigh* and here I thought having a college degree would help…stupid economy) and I’ve been living with my parents, not a bad thing in and of itself but add that to all the other stresses (you know, no job, no money, continual rejection after interviews, getting my hopes up only to keep getting crushed, and having my cat get injured twice, along with a not-working-quite-the-right-way Jeep and a broken computer, add to that having about 98% of my belongings in boxes out in the barn and my brother unreachable for most of the year (thank you Navy!) and that should give you a rough idea of my year) and it’s been…well, a nightmare.  Granted it could’ve been worse, I could’ve gotten sick (only one little cold at the beginning of the year and that’s been it, miraculous considering my penchant for getting sick, thank you God), I could still be out of a job, I could’ve been bored silly and reduced to talking to the dogs and my cat like they were people…oh wait…er…never mind…. ;) , uh…my parents could’ve kicked me out (I’m lucky they didn’t, I haven’t exactly been great to be around what with the depression and anger and all), the roof of the house could’ve caved in…my car could’ve gotten stolen…oh hell, any number of things could’ve happened that would have made this year even more terrible, that’s not the point.  The point is…the point is…it hasn’t been a cakewalk, but I’m still here and, bonus, I have retained a sense of humor.  Oh yeah, and I finally have a job, yaaay for the holiday season retail store hiring spree!  Everybody now, Hip-Hip-HOORAY, Hip-Hip-HOORAY, Hip-Hip-HOORAY!!!

And I leave you with a song, hope it gets stuck in your head.

P.S. only 36 days until Christmas!!  Not that I’m excited about it or anything  :D

For Sale: Lee Majors (6 Million Dollar Man) – $50

Soooo…the title of this post has nothing whatsoever to do with the content but I’m allowed to do that every now and again.  At this very moment I am working on my cover letter, eating some chili and wondering what happened to my version of “life-after-college.”  And in a few moments I’ll go and do the dishes, straighten my hair, leave to get groceries and pick up mi madre…but I’ll still be wondering what happened to my version of “life-after-college.”  Tonight I’ll probably submit a few job applications maybe even look for a place to live, do my nails, watch whatever shows the parentals normally watch on Thursday nights…and wonder what happened to my version of “life-after-college.”  And tomorrow I’ll get up, excercise, do my makeup, submit some more job applications and wonder, wonder, wonder what happened to my version of “life-after-college”?

Are you noticing a theme?  You are??  I’m shocked.

You see I had this picture in my head of what my life would look like post-graduation.  And it was only a tad-bit realistic.  I figured it would take a little while to get a job (that’s the realistic portion) but I figured in the meantime I would have some fun.  I thought that as soon as I was done with school that all the stories that have been pushed into the back of my mind to make room for my academic papers would come pouring out and I’d have tons of energy to submit applications and write stories and go out with friends and catch up on all my blog friends and, and, and, so on and so forth.

Somehow I underestimated a few things.  Such as the fear I was suddenly filled with at the thought of getting a job.  It sounds silly but it felt different to me.  It wasn’t just a job to get me through school, it was a job.  A job as an adult not a college kid.  I was scared, terrified actually.  So I procrastinated and hemmed and hawed around and probably lost a few jobs by not applying to them…stupid really.  And now I’m fighting to get back into the game.

I also underestimated how utterly exhausted I was after graduation.  And how boring my life suddenly seemed to become.  I really didn’t understand how being a college kid gave me a readily available topic.  Uneventful week?  Well I can just talk about what movie we watched in class this week, or what we discussed, or what author we read, or, or, or, or…any number of things.  And now?  What am I supposed to talk about?  Well I got up this morning, ate some breakfast, excercised, put on some makeup, submitted five applications, haven’t heard back from any of the others yet, did the dishes, watched x hours of TV, hung out with the parents x hours, it’s cloudy today.  Admit it that sounds boring…I’m not complaining, I love hanging out with my parents and the other stuff…eh, it’s alright…except for the dishes, blech! ;).  But it makes it difficult to find something to talk about when you feel like you aren’t going anywhere or really doing anything. 

Why does it always feel like everyone else has the perfect life??  Like you are the only one who is bored, broken, alone, tired, etc.

God, I hate it when I do that, when I compare myself to other people.  Don’t you?  I mean you look hard enough and there will always be someone whose life is better than yours…but there will also be someone who is in a worse position.

I just need to learn to deal with my situation without adding the burden of trying to make my life like someone else’s.

And now…a song.

Courage by Orianthi (featuring Lacey of Flyleaf).

And some randomness to make you smile, ’cause everyone needs to smile at least once a day right?

1. I am a picture whore.  Lol!  Sorry about that I just had to say it; what I mean is I’m the type of person who trolls the internet looking for interesting pictures of celebrities, objects, whatever grabs my attention.  I use them to practice my sketching or so my mental picture of a character from one of my stories has life or just to look at and think “how pretty/cool/breathtaking/beautiful/etc.”  Yup, picture whore.  :D
2. I have a playlist on my windows media player titled “songs that make me smile.”  It has OneRepublic, Train, Yellowcard, that Orianthi (ft. Lacey) song that’s right ^ up there, The Afters, Anna Nalick, The Calling, Francesca Battistelli, Good Charlotte, Hyland, Pink AND Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez & The Scene, Miranda Cosgrove, Kelly Clarkson, Aly&AJ (aka 78Violet), Hilary Duff, Katy Perry and Avril Lavigne.  Yes, I listen to pop music, it makes me…smile :D .  Feel free to take your shots, I can handle it and I really don’t mind (after all I never said you had to listen to it)  ;).
3. So during my last semester of college (all of what two months ago??) I developed a new guilty pleasure (that’s pretty much gone now since moving in with the parentals).  I started watching WWE Raw *cringe.*  I know, I know but I found it hilarious…and fascinating.  And really good mindless TV for when your brain hurts from trying to understand Jung or Percy Bysshe Shelley.
4. Via my twitter feed from GC’s Benji Madden — “Westboro baptist Church=WBC=Weally Bad Christians lol.”  Call me terrible but that cracked me up!
5. And an exchange via my twitter feed between Trevor, lead singer of TFK and the TFK tour manager starting with the TFK tour manager — “Let’s recap. Bought an ipod, 2 weeks later ipod touch comes out. Buy an ipad, 4 weeks later ipad 2 comes out. What the heck!!” — followed by Trevor’s response — “@tfktourmgr i’m gonna start buying stuff 2 weeks later than u.”  ROFL!!
6. via my twitter feed, Chester Bennington lead singer of LP — “I’m watching Cops and some naked guy was shooting at a person he was robbing and it took 5 cops to take him down. Cops don’t get paid enough”
7. And Tam (Hodge, aka inprogress) also from Twitter — “RT @pinkbirdi i don’t understand jogging skirts. // I dont understand jogging.”  Lol!!  :D
8. And finally via my twitter feed, Joe Rickard drummer for RED — “God is good.”  — makes me smile every time :)