week in a flash (week 25)

1. I love me some Spaghetti Westerns…mm, mm, yessir I do.  Lol!!

2. So I’ve started to practice meditation, you know like the Eastern version – sitting cross-legged in a lotus-type position with my hands resting palms up on my knees and my eyes closed and all sound turned off.  I do it because it helps me relax and de-stress which I really need right now.  Just like practicing Yoga was and believe me if I could I would start up my Yoga practices again but I packed all the stuff I needed for it and my back is screwy so…meditation it is. 

3. So I realized something about myself (to my family and to those who know me well please: contain yourselves) – I like being difficult sometimes, you know raising possible controversies and playing the Devil’s Advocate or suggesting an alternative explanation to something, stuff like that.  Why?  Because it’s kind of fun.

4. If my next few “weeks-in-a-flash” are unfinished or appear half-way done it’s because I’m going to start writing them a little bit in advance and then scheduling them to be published on a certain day at a certain time, therefore it’s not a guarantee that I’ll have them done before they publish…sorry but it’s really the only way to have them up for you guys without interrupting my school work.

5. By the way if any of you experienced snow last Tuesday I’m sorry but it pretty much always snows on my Mom’s b-day because, as she says “God loves me!”  :D  I love her too…even if I don’t love the snow.

6. I don’t understand hate, I’m serious what is the purpose of hating someone or a whole group of people?  And it’s not like I haven’t had people come into my life that others would say “they deserved hate.”  But I really, really don’t get it.  Hate accomplishes nothing…well, nothing good, productive or worthwhile anyway…

7. Ever notice how Sci-Fi shows and movies always use Area 51 as a failsafe?  We discovered this alien technology, it’s kept at Area 51.  We have aliens, they’re at Area 51.  Anything suspicious or alien-like, it’s at Area 51.  It’s a great plot device when you get stuck but only if you are writing a story with a Sci-Fi element  :)  Sorry, I just find it really funny that’s all.

8. I realized the other morning as I was turning the heat up that I have begun to turn the heat down at night……………really??  I don’t “do” that, I love warmth and it’s not like it’s been warm at night (I mean c’mon I live in South Dakota) nonetheless I have been and here’s the kicker I stayed warm, who knew? …I bet my parents wish I would’ve done that sort of thing as a kid.  ;)

9. Veteran’s Day was alternatively know around my school as “the random Thursday we have off.”  *chuckle*  Ok, seriously now – this is my thanks to anyone who has or is serving in the Armed Forces, you are amazing.

10. Bolthouse Farms’ drink Vanilla Chai Tea is like the Elixir of Life.  Seriously it’s delicious and no matter how upset my stomach is I take one drink and it’s like “aaaahhhhh” better now!  :)

11. Why am I seeing so many Christmas-themed and Christmas-focused commercials already?  We’re not even past Thanksgiving yet, sheesh…

12. http://lightofdawn.wordpress.com/2010/10/17/10-reasons-why-gay-marriage-is-wrong/  —  I think this is a pretty good rebuttal to some of the arguments I’ve heard against gay marriage.  Feel free to take your shots at me.

13. Days to graduation = 22

w/ weekends and holidays =32

w/o holidays =28

14. Days to Thanksgiving break = 9

15. Had to get a new computer, it’s not really a happy thing, the old one caught a virus and I needed a computer NOW for my schoolwork, so it got replaced…*sigh* it’s very sad  :(  :(  :(  RIP Saskia (the old computer (yes I named it)).

Help?

I am so tired of being yanked around.  First it’s like “so yeah I’m graduating December 2010” and then after my half-time semester I go talk to my advisor and get told I’m on track to graduate Spring 2011…excuse me?  Let down, disaster, looks like I’ll be here another semester, big sigh, ok I can do this, I can handle this.  Then I go talk to the advisor again about classes needed for this upcoming semester and hey “looks like ALL the classes you need to complete your degree are offered next semester”…are you kidding me?  So as long as times don’t interfere I’ll be graduating in Dec…sorry what?  Times conflict you say?  Nothing can be done you say?  FUCK!  Fine, you know what I’ll fucking find a soluti……times DON’T conflict?  *frustrated laughter* Wait, wait, you must be joking!  But, oh my goodness, I can’t register until TOMORROW @ 9 PM! 

Bloody fucking Hell.

So, now I sit and wait on pins and needles, pain and pricklies, hoping, praying fervently that they don’t fill up.

Sometimes I feel like all I am doing is screaming out to God to help me.  Down on my knees, on my face screaming for help.  Like a little kid with my heart, my hopes, my dreams, my life in my hands holding it out to God with tears running down my face saying, “it’s broke, fix it?”

And for some reason that frustrates me.  It leads me to some familiar trails of thought like, “I’m sure God has better things to do than come running every time I stub my toe.”  And then I worry that I’m making Him, in my mind, a genie again.  Like “anything that doesn’t fit in your worldview or upsets your delicate little balance, well don’t worry about that ‘cause we got this nice little God all boxed-up and real convenient, He’ll make sure your life is absolutely perfect.”

Blech!  It makes me cringe and makes my stomach roil.  And then I feel compelled to apologize to God for my weakness.

And I understand that God wants us to trust Him but where is the line drawn?  Where do you go from trusting that He has it all worked out and that things will be ok to “fix it, make it perfect ‘cause I’m a spoiled little kid who doesn’t like this anymore”?  Where does it turn from “God I need some help here” to “God, fix it, I want, I want, I want…”?  Where is that line that goes from humble trust to arrogant want?  Where is the line in the sand?  Is it proper to ask God for help with everyday things?  Why do I feel such guilt for leaning on God?  For asking Him for His help with this?  Shouldn’t it be a good thing to go to God?  The Bible does say to cast your cares and burdens on Him and He wants us to trust Him right?  

For some reason I just can’t reconcile this so I am inviting anyone who reads my blog to weigh in.  Where is the line?  How do you tell when it’s been crossed?  Is there a line?