Sometimes faith feels like doubt…sometimes I wonder if we’ll ever get out ~ TFK

I dunno, something, I just kind of felt like writing and I listened to the song with the above lyrics in it earlier this week and it rang true besides I’ve been wanting to write something for a while now, (shortly after writing my last blog post actually which is pretty cool).  I’m not really doing much right now, working at my new job and on Christmas presents (Eeeep!!!!  Christmas!!!!) and thinking a lot.  Thinking about nothing and everything.

“Pardon me while I burn and rise above the flames” ~ Incubus.

Listening to a lot of music lately and finding things that resonate.

“I love the broken ones…maybe I see a part of me in them.  The missing piece always trying to fit in.  The shattered heart…” ~Dia.

Read an article the other day attempting to link suicide rates among the elderly to the cutting of funding to Medicaid.  I will reserve judgement because it seemed to me that there are a lot of factors involved and I don’t think it can be traced to one single thing.  The comments on the article saddened me though.  I should know better than to read those, they are almost always shitty, ignorant, heartless and just terrible.

“And in a burst of light that blinded every angel.  As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars.  You felt the gravity of tempered grace” ~Linkin Park.

The other day I saw a pine tree that had frost on one side but the other side didn’t because it was in the sun, it was really cool and I wish I could’ve gotten a picture but I was driving and that’s a no-no.  It has been really cold here the past few days; day before yesterday it didn’t get above 20 degrees even though the sun was shining and the sky was a clear blue.  *sigh* Winter…

“Like a phoenix I will rise again.” ~Pillar.

I’ve finally found a craft that I absolutely love – cross-stitching.  I know, I know cross-stitching that’s like something that little old ladies do right?  Whatever I don’t care, I love it.  It’s relatively easy and when you get done it’s so pretty.  I mean you go from a mess of cross-stitches, half stitches, quarter stitches, french knots and backstitches to a whole beautiful picture; it is amazing.  I’ll try to post some pictures of the things that I made the fam for Christmas after Christmas.  Feel free to remind me.

“…thoughts arrive like butterflies.  Oh, he don’t know, so he chases them away.” ~Pearl Jam.

So my new job is going well; I have discovered that I really like helping people.  Even if it’s something silly like finding someone the ‘perfect’ sweater to go with a pair of jeans I still get a thrill out of that look that people get when you’ve helped in some way.

” I would explode just to save your life.” ~Yellowcard.

You know it really bothers me when people do jackass things just because they don’t agree with a viewpoint.  I don’t agree with vegetarians or vegans, I don’t think I could live that lifestyle but I respect their choice and I don’t do stupid things like creating a FB group with a title about how “innocent vegetables are killed everyday by vegetarians, together we can do something to stop it” or posting pictures of some disgusting “Christmas” decorations that show the form of deer hanging upside down with red lights at it’s throat like it’s just been slaughtered.  That’s gross.  It turns my stomach and I love venison.  Just like I don’t agree with atheists but I don’t go around making fun of them and calling them names or try to shove my beliefs down their throat.  Is it so hard to show respect for another human being, even when you disagree with their choices or think they are totally and completely wrong and that you’d have to be stupid to believe what they believe.  Just because you think they’re stupid doesn’t give you the right to be insulting and a fucking jerk.  I’m so tired of people being rude and unfeeling and arrogant enough to believe that their opinion is the only one that matters; and for that matter isn’t an opinion because they are never wrong.  Ugh!

“You fall to your knees.  You beg, you plead.  Can I be somebody else for all the times I hate myself?” ~Skillet.

I was reading through one of my college papers today and I realized that I kind of miss being in school.  I don’t think I want to go back…it just reminded me how much I like intellectualism and being able to understand theories and esoteric writings.  It’s weird but I really do like it and I kind of miss it.

“Just stop for a minute and Smile.” ~ Jessie J

Soooo……there are only 16 days until Christmas!!!!  Happy, happy, joy, joy!!  :D

“It’s getting cold in here so fire it up!” ~ TFK

In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back. — Charlie Brown

Hello to all of my non-readers (does anyone still come here?).  Anyway, I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything but it’s been a while since I’ve wanted to say anything about anything.  I’ve read some articles over the past few months that get my blood boiling and I consider writing something about it but then it’s like, what can I say that everybody else hasn’t already said?  And besides it felt like it took a lot of energy to put my thoughts down and, I don’t know, I just didn’t feel like posting anything that would cause an argument or debate because then that would mean that I needed to respond and I didn’t feel like I could.  I gave up before there was any fight, that’s all.  And I didn’t want to write about what I was feeling because I was working very hard to try and ignore it (hey guess what, that doesn’t actually work…at all!).  Needless to say it’s been a rough year.  It’s been a year and two-and-a-half months since I had a job (*sigh* and here I thought having a college degree would help…stupid economy) and I’ve been living with my parents, not a bad thing in and of itself but add that to all the other stresses (you know, no job, no money, continual rejection after interviews, getting my hopes up only to keep getting crushed, and having my cat get injured twice, along with a not-working-quite-the-right-way Jeep and a broken computer, add to that having about 98% of my belongings in boxes out in the barn and my brother unreachable for most of the year (thank you Navy!) and that should give you a rough idea of my year) and it’s been…well, a nightmare.  Granted it could’ve been worse, I could’ve gotten sick (only one little cold at the beginning of the year and that’s been it, miraculous considering my penchant for getting sick, thank you God), I could still be out of a job, I could’ve been bored silly and reduced to talking to the dogs and my cat like they were people…oh wait…er…never mind…. ;) , uh…my parents could’ve kicked me out (I’m lucky they didn’t, I haven’t exactly been great to be around what with the depression and anger and all), the roof of the house could’ve caved in…my car could’ve gotten stolen…oh hell, any number of things could’ve happened that would have made this year even more terrible, that’s not the point.  The point is…the point is…it hasn’t been a cakewalk, but I’m still here and, bonus, I have retained a sense of humor.  Oh yeah, and I finally have a job, yaaay for the holiday season retail store hiring spree!  Everybody now, Hip-Hip-HOORAY, Hip-Hip-HOORAY, Hip-Hip-HOORAY!!!

And I leave you with a song, hope it gets stuck in your head.

P.S. only 36 days until Christmas!!  Not that I’m excited about it or anything  :D