Sometimes faith feels like doubt…sometimes I wonder if we’ll ever get out ~ TFK

I dunno, something, I just kind of felt like writing and I listened to the song with the above lyrics in it earlier this week and it rang true besides I’ve been wanting to write something for a while now, (shortly after writing my last blog post actually which is pretty cool).  I’m not really doing much right now, working at my new job and on Christmas presents (Eeeep!!!!  Christmas!!!!) and thinking a lot.  Thinking about nothing and everything.

“Pardon me while I burn and rise above the flames” ~ Incubus.

Listening to a lot of music lately and finding things that resonate.

“I love the broken ones…maybe I see a part of me in them.  The missing piece always trying to fit in.  The shattered heart…” ~Dia.

Read an article the other day attempting to link suicide rates among the elderly to the cutting of funding to Medicaid.  I will reserve judgement because it seemed to me that there are a lot of factors involved and I don’t think it can be traced to one single thing.  The comments on the article saddened me though.  I should know better than to read those, they are almost always shitty, ignorant, heartless and just terrible.

“And in a burst of light that blinded every angel.  As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars.  You felt the gravity of tempered grace” ~Linkin Park.

The other day I saw a pine tree that had frost on one side but the other side didn’t because it was in the sun, it was really cool and I wish I could’ve gotten a picture but I was driving and that’s a no-no.  It has been really cold here the past few days; day before yesterday it didn’t get above 20 degrees even though the sun was shining and the sky was a clear blue.  *sigh* Winter…

“Like a phoenix I will rise again.” ~Pillar.

I’ve finally found a craft that I absolutely love – cross-stitching.  I know, I know cross-stitching that’s like something that little old ladies do right?  Whatever I don’t care, I love it.  It’s relatively easy and when you get done it’s so pretty.  I mean you go from a mess of cross-stitches, half stitches, quarter stitches, french knots and backstitches to a whole beautiful picture; it is amazing.  I’ll try to post some pictures of the things that I made the fam for Christmas after Christmas.  Feel free to remind me.

“…thoughts arrive like butterflies.  Oh, he don’t know, so he chases them away.” ~Pearl Jam.

So my new job is going well; I have discovered that I really like helping people.  Even if it’s something silly like finding someone the ‘perfect’ sweater to go with a pair of jeans I still get a thrill out of that look that people get when you’ve helped in some way.

” I would explode just to save your life.” ~Yellowcard.

You know it really bothers me when people do jackass things just because they don’t agree with a viewpoint.  I don’t agree with vegetarians or vegans, I don’t think I could live that lifestyle but I respect their choice and I don’t do stupid things like creating a FB group with a title about how “innocent vegetables are killed everyday by vegetarians, together we can do something to stop it” or posting pictures of some disgusting “Christmas” decorations that show the form of deer hanging upside down with red lights at it’s throat like it’s just been slaughtered.  That’s gross.  It turns my stomach and I love venison.  Just like I don’t agree with atheists but I don’t go around making fun of them and calling them names or try to shove my beliefs down their throat.  Is it so hard to show respect for another human being, even when you disagree with their choices or think they are totally and completely wrong and that you’d have to be stupid to believe what they believe.  Just because you think they’re stupid doesn’t give you the right to be insulting and a fucking jerk.  I’m so tired of people being rude and unfeeling and arrogant enough to believe that their opinion is the only one that matters; and for that matter isn’t an opinion because they are never wrong.  Ugh!

“You fall to your knees.  You beg, you plead.  Can I be somebody else for all the times I hate myself?” ~Skillet.

I was reading through one of my college papers today and I realized that I kind of miss being in school.  I don’t think I want to go back…it just reminded me how much I like intellectualism and being able to understand theories and esoteric writings.  It’s weird but I really do like it and I kind of miss it.

“Just stop for a minute and Smile.” ~ Jessie J

Soooo……there are only 16 days until Christmas!!!!  Happy, happy, joy, joy!!  :D

“It’s getting cold in here so fire it up!” ~ TFK

Saguaros

It is summertime here in the desert.  The Saguaros are flourishing and there are various other small green things growing around on the ground.  The dust is blowing and obscuring surrounding areas.  But it is the Saguaros that capture my heart.  The Saguaros stand tall and proud and have so much character packed in their spiny arms.  The wind whips my loosened hair into my eyes and I brush it back and tuck it sloppily into my ponytail.  The sun touches the horizon and I look up from my sketchbook and wait for the sunset.  My bare feet rest underneath my knees warmed by the desert rock I sit Indian-style on.  A lizard scuttles past blithely unaware of the larger world around him.  I smile as he darts underneath the rock and then out into the desert.  A hawk cries lazily circling above me looking for something to dive onto and devour.  I smile as the sun sinks lower into the horizon.  The colors take my breath away; rich golds, bright pinks, deep purples, light yellows and the fiery dark orange of the sun, all on display for the world to see.  The Saguaros look even greener in this sunset light and I can really see the spikes jutting out from their trunks.  I sketch a few more quick studies and wait for the next phase of the sunset.  The second to last phase of the sunset the yellows and golds and pinks are pretty much gone, but the purples have deepened and are nearly black and they are joined by a dark, sapphire blue and a little jolt of gold from what’s left of the sun.  The Saguaros look nearly black at this point and I can only see the root of the spikes now so I sketch a few more studies and look up eagerly waiting for the sun to finally disappear below the horizon.  I look up to see if I can find the hawk but it appears that he found his dinner and ran.  The lizard is long gone but there is a lazy scorpion doing a scorpion dance in front of me and a sidewinder a few feet from the scorpion winding his way away to somewhere.  I hear an owl hoot in the distance and imagine that the sidewinder is putting a little bit of hast in his gitalong now even if the scorpion continues his dance.  I watch him a little longer to see how much closer he is going to get to my shoes before I have to shoo him away, but he doesn’t get any closer and I go back to watching the sun set.  It dips below the horizon shedding its last colors as I look up and watch the last jolt of gold disappear from sight and watch as the purple and blue blend into the black of night.  I make one last sketch of the Saguaros.  They look like forbidding sentinels now all dark and tall and arms outstretched towards the sky as if warning the traveler to back slowly away.  I tuck my loose hair into my ponytail yet again and slowly unfold my legs.  I set my sketchbook down next to me and bring my knees up under my chin adjusting myself for the best view of the stars coming out to play.  The air grows cold and I feel a few bats flitter by my head.  I close my eyes and breathe in that cool summer desert scent and smile.  The first stars begin to twinkle at each other and slowly they all come out for a game of “let’s see who can twinkle the most.”  I sit there for about another hour watching them in their slow dance across the sky and let my legs down onto the ground carefully.  I grab my flashlight and shine it down onto my shoes, carefully examining them for desert nightowls that may have crawled in their looking for a nice hidey-hole.  There isn’t anything there tonight so I slip them on and grab my sketchbook.  I walk slowly towards my Jeep, shining my little flashlight on the ground in front of me, carefully listening for any of the bigger night-time creatures that haunt this little piece of desert.  I climb into my Jeep and start it up carefully negotiating the terrain that leads back to the main road.  Eventually I find my way back in town and drive blissfully through its empty streets.  The streetlights and the lights shining from doorways add a mysterious air to the sleepy little desert town of Saguaros.